you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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