so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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