Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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