I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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