reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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