I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
love makes seman taste better
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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