I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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