we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
