I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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