If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
