Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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