So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
