sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
