At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
