I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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