I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
