I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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