I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize