remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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