My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
