Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
