I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
