Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
