i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
