My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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