Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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