I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
