isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
how drunk are you?
Several
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize