Can Purell be used as lube?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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