I like to think it a success when the cops are called
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
