Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
