i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
