My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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