How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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