I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
