i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
