I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
