he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
