AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
