Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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