Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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