P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize