What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
