How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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