Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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