just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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