Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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