he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
