i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
