god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
