i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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