How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
