she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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