I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
