Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
