i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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