nut hugger
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
