I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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