Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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