If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I enjoy the company of your penis
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
