I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
