do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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