how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
