I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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