I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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