I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
