So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
