She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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