Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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