I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
