and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
