I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
