my mouth tastes like poor choices
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
