Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
